Saturday, October 27, 2007

Heya. its not 6.48 in the early morn. see i got up cause i couldnt sleep. [i blame the coffee that i had last night.] went to bed at around 1 but woke up at 5-something. spent quite a few countless minutes lying awake in bed in between those painfully long hours. and i couldnt knock myself out back to sleep again, so i crawled out of bed. i was thinking of taking a nice morning walk around the neighborhood but i decided i had better things to do. [like absorb all the glorious radiation emitting from this computer. im soaking it in... aaaahhhh......]
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ok enough crap. let me start talking.
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I think im in a rather good mood from yesterday. In the morning i did an emath paper 1 [cause my mum's forcing me to do at least one paper a day, T_T... thank god i have her, i wouldnt have the motivation to push myself to work hard] and finished the 3rd page of art prep work in about 2 hours. [wahoo! the 3rd page is my favourite so far. im now an expert at drawing skulls, thank u very much.] it takes me roughly about 4 hours per piece of paper. its so sad it makes me wanna cry. how many 4 hours do i have left anyway. im frowning. ANYWAY...
I met nicole for an early dinner before chinese tuition yesterday :D Wasn't really hungry so we just walked around doing errands for her mum like buy bread and so on. Oh i bought a slurpee and she bought orange juice, we ended up sitting n talking in the airconditioned coffee shop next to the one thats burnt down. Then when 5.30 was approaching we got up to leave, thats when i heard someone calling my chinese name. i kinda paused for a while and thought to myself, someone's calling me. turns around sloooowly, and its my chinese tuition tcher having a meal with another tcher [or rather the "principal" of the tuition centre] shock. for a moment. then he told me to go up first, he'll be there in a bit. walking away i was thinking how did i not realise my tcher was sitting at the table behind ours. and okaaayyyyyy....?? N i took some photos with nicole :D with the kyocera cam. the one we thought had died but is apparently revived and alive. hurrah.
Went up for extra tuition, the tcher came 15 mins late so i did some emath. *yawn* anyway he made me do some comprehension [apparently last year's hcl o level paper] and made me read out EVEYRTHING, the passage, the questions, the answers,... it was a very slow and painful process. i coulda fallen asleep just listening to myself mutter each word one by one. N i was forced to speak chinese throughout the entire session. its so hard for me to spit out the words. mostly sat there fumbling with my thoughts, struggling to form the words like some little retard. [hahaha] but throughout the lesson i felt like laughing. so i did, i laughed quite a bit. i found it so funny that the tcher was trying to inject some sense of confidence into me. N how hopeless i was. At the end he made me do a summary, so i did and he gave me 14/20. bah n i have to go back there on tues after art to get some notes on gonghan and pass up a piece of gonghan and he'll test me on summary again. i have countless reaons so cry.
after that i went to plop down in the usual tuition classroom and did some emath till 6.59. [tuition starts at 7 :D] i then informed the tcher that i was gonna get some food and left for the market/7 eleven, making sure to take my time. so by the time i was done dawdling around, n after deciding on what to get, i went to queue up and bought me a cup of ice coffee and a bag o m&ms. YUMM. it was 7.15 +D so i walked back to class and strolled in fashionably late with the coffee in my right hand and the m&ms and wallet in my other. the tcher looked at me and said "you didnt get some real food to eat...!" i smile, take the worksheet and proceed to my seat. only one of my stnick's girls were there. the rest came later. later than me, and I was alrd late. waha. well too much drinking of this liquid and that caused me bladder to fill up pretty quick and i had to whizz real badly in the middle of class. kept it in till the END of class, that was a very tense 45 mins for me. Class was kinda fun, i laughed a lot. [or mayb thats just me] i was shivering and freezing cold, dont know why. arent i able to withstand extreme cold normally...?! sooooo after class i went to relieve myself, and when we all got downstairs everyone disappeared into their parents cars and drove off. i waited with su for a cab and she told me shocking news that almost made me jump outta my socks. she said i got best in subject for art, with yijun. i rmb saying repeatedly "are u serious?! are u serious?!" and she was like "yea! yea!" totally overwhelmed. dont think ive received that award before. but i dare not believe it entirely yet, i need to see it for meself. on monday. at the noticeboard at the fam lounge.
so after su left, i went back in to wait for MY dad. who came an hour and 10 mins late, fyi. i think the latest he ever came was 1hour20mins after class ended. meh, this isnt that bad then. so i sat around and did some emath, again... oh i rmb that a boy in class once offered me some skittles but i didnt take any, and i had some m&ms yesterday so i thought mayb id offer him some but when i turned around after su had left he'd alrd walked off with his dad so,... ha. and offering of skittles for an offering of m&ms. M&MS are definitely worth more tho, skittles are like,... clay. chewing plasticine, which is not very delicious. Sitting there at the tables doing emath, the bagpipes band was marching around the courtyard blaring out chinese songs and ultimately annoying me. it wouldnt hurt to play just a bit softer, huh. i mean i couldnt even really hear myself think.
all in all i felt that yesterday was a rather good closure to this entire chinese thing, and for tuition. at least i know that if i work hard on chinese for roughly about 8 hours i can get a C5. [thats what the tcher told me.]
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I found lazymuffin in deviantart. his flash animations are hilarious, someimes overly vulgar but i'll try to ignore that. check this one out, its my favourite. SCHOOL SONG
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and now i gotta do art. still not tired, by the way, the coffee's doing its thing in my system. im looking forward to the next 5 days of endless work. [see my pained and weak smile. im really enjoying this.]

was indifferent @ Saturday, October 27, 2007

Saturday, October 20, 2007

good morning. its 11.35pm.
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ive spent [or rather wasted] the entire of today doing art. finally got 2 pages done. TWO. thats pathetic. ive estimated my final prep work pile to have 6 or 7 pages. which is ok since we can have 3 to 10 pages. i have to say those 2 pages were not well done. im so sick of it. funny how my pleasure is also my pain. pain stems from the lack of pleasure, especially from where its supposed to be. and o levels are starting in 2 days. i dont expect myself to do very well. think i'll get a 9 again. i seem to have a connection with that number. my L1R5 has consistently been kept at 9 for the past 2 terms and prelims. even after moderation it remained the same. maybe some superior cosmic force is trying to tell me something about the number 9. maybe i only have 9 years left to live. or something. ah thats not important. who cares if i go tomorrow. oh i also dont think i'll do well cause i havent been studying hard. or harder. i havent got the drive or the motivation. damn me. i havent touched ss, for one. ive only studied for the subjects tested next week. i dont think i'll ever get a wake up call. these stupid exams will never mean anything to me.
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oh this afternoon when i decided to keep my status as "online" on msn live messenger, my primary school classmate shi hui started talking to me. we had a rather nice chat, shes not taking o levels and she wants to be a forensic scientist. she thinks dead ppl are safer to be around as compared to live ones. which makes sense, but id really rather not hang around the dead. there's that atmosphere, like a disease, like if u breathe the same air you'll catch it too and its death. u'll die. but thats silly, to think that death is contagious. anyway it was nice to chat with her, u dont meet many people who are so willing to strike up a conversation with u after 4 years of not talking. i dont deny that im kinda spontaneous as well :D [cue the thunderous laughter. i can think of a few ppl who beg to differ.]
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also, i went on to friendster and looked at the profiles of my primary school mates. woah i am glad to say that i think i turned out alright, compared to most of em. [yes im being very tactless and insensitive. HAHAHA] i am SO glad i dont have a friendster account. and i dont like it when my friends put up photos of me [with them] on their friendster profiles. its, um... gross. meaning im gross. i up the gross factor of the picture. which is bad. friends, u do not want gross photos on your friendster profile! U must delete all photo's with cheryl in it and vow never to commit such incompetant crimes again. indecent photos should not be shown to the public. [forgive my ranting. some of u should know im sometimes slightly crazy. heh... heh...] every photo with my face on it should be removed or if possible, BURNT. that's my final line.
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u can say im very distracted now. someone should know what im talking about. it's driving me nuts
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oh next week i gotta go for tuition 1.5 hours earlier. i went for tuition 10 mins earlier n was gonna try to get some bio knowledge drilled into my skull when the tcher approached me and started asking if i practise chinese at home [HAhahA yea right. what a joke], if i even have time for it, if i think i will pass the o levels... blah blah blah... questions to answers that are pretty obvious. anyway my tuition tcher's gonna give me some extra coaching, he says its to makes sure i can score at least some points in all the sections of the hcl paper. im thinking its probly some crash course to passing hcl. and its only me. ONLY me. cause im the only one in class whos gonna fail hcl. in response to that, i groaned, but agreed to go for it. whatve i got to lose anyway, i havent anything. wait a minute.... if i go 1.5 hours earlier, in addition to the other 1.5 hours for tuition, thats 3 whole hours. oh fuck! i dont even spend that much time on chinese in a month! oh wait, i do. in chinese tuition. hahhaaaaaaa.... my chinese is shit lousy. [ok minus the i have trouble spitting out my words and even when i get em out they sound like some other foreign language. i think i just created my own accent. when someone speaks to me in chinese and i have to answer back in that language, it always takes me a few minutes to sort out my thoughts [meaning: translate my thoughts from english to chinese. believe me, its majorly tough] and i just stand there struggling to mouth the words with proper chinese diction and to force my voice out. i end up stuttering, mumbling, blah blah, all that. its really really bad. it should be illegal for me to speak chinese. its so indecent, what a disgrace to the language.
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i'm thinking i should be doing something more productive. still thinking...................................................... nah, im too lazy.
buhbye, people. see u on the other side, if u make it out alive after the o's. HAHA if u wanted to commit suicide u shouldve done it months ago. goodnight people.

was indifferent @ Saturday, October 20, 2007

Saturday, October 13, 2007

I cant gain access to my blog cause of some web filtering service. it happened after reformatting the comp. apparently, my blog is a restricted site as it contains "adult content". i told my sis and she said only sex and violence gets blocked. then she paused for a while and gave me that suspicious sideways look. "OR-HOR you've been writing about sex and violence." in a situation like this, the smartest thing to do is to not get defensive. i just said coolly "i dont write about that kinda stuff on my blog." at least i dont think so. maybe its peppered with slightly graphic casual violence [in terms of words] n possibly some crude references but this isnt adult content. i ought to abstain from writing explicit violent sequences from now on. or i wont be able to read my own blog. what a tragedy.
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Yesterday was the last official school day. :( I never realised how much i love going to school and actually being a part of something. Im very possibly not going to a jc for the next 2 years so i wont actually have that kind of normal schooling experience anymore. And i was just starting to really like my class. Oh yea, we all got "luv paks" from the school blessed by the priest at Christ the King church. Everyone's supposed to have fake flowers, a keychain dangle, a feather and some chocolates but all i got were 2 dangles and a fake flower. i was a bit irked that i didnt get any feather or chocolates but i really do like the mobile dangle. It's beautiful, and they actually took the pains to have them made for the entire level. WOW.
recess was funny. we couldnt go to the hall like we usually do to play cards coz the primary kids were in it with some activity going on. so we played cards [bridge. only cause its such an awesome game] in a corner at the lower concourse beside the infirmary. then huimin spotted mrs cheong coming down the stairs from the general office. there were all these sudden movements as we swept our cards beneath our legs/skirts [and bestlyn's. HAHA]. i grabbed my cards and put em behind me, then when mrs cheong came closer i sat on em. i think huimin used her leg to block some loose cards still lying around. then mrs cheong came over and huimin started making polite small talk with her in chinese. mrs cheong asked us what we were doing and we took out our cameras and said we were taking photos. [ha yea right. sitting in a circle like that. hope we werent too obvious.] then she told us that cai jian ya was here in sch today. best and huimin suddenly were all interested and widened their eyes like "OHHH!! caijianya!" i just sat there and said huh who's that? huimin said its tanya chua. then i said OHHH!!! TANYA CHUA?!?! mrs cheong seemed satisfied with our reactions so she asked if we wanted to go to the hall to see her. we politely refused and said maybe later. then she left. we burst out laughing, that was hilarious. and we were rather effective and efficient in covering up for ourselves, huh.
when recess ended best took off for class. while on our way back to class we saw tanya chua come out of the hall with her posse/crew. we didnt wanna miss an opportunity to take a photo with her so we sort of followed her a bit as the whole group of them wandered around the lower concourse area. when we thought she was gonna leave she turned around and came back down. i just went up to her and said "excuse me, can we take a photo with you?" and she said "sure!" so huimin took out her camera and one of the crew members took the photo for us. we were smiling so widely.
i wasted the day away. we didnt really have any lessons as we just sat around n slacked. spent the entire english lesson after recess taking photos n lazing around the level bench. and took videos. i love taking videos. and mr choo gave everyone a pink rose. ah i love roses. sadly i left mine at sara's house. in the vase, so im hoping its not dead yet.
after school i went to the hwachong jc open house. it was ok. the goodie bag was so damn heavy, i had to lug it around in addition to my bag. it was kinda boring till we found the art elective booth, hidden way inside an inconspicuous room on the 2nd storey. I asked a ton of questions, maybe it annoyed them. [oh we couldnt find it at first, and i was a bit paiseh to ask anyone. so much for being more open. im destined to be an introvert.] the art exhibition is really impressive. and inez is such a picky art critique. she was walking around commenting on paintings as if she'd been doing it all her life. what an expert. who knew inez could appreciate art?! shes also rather discriminating and unforgiving when it comes to simple mistakes. wow. after that we went to anderson jc's open house. it was rather late when we got there so there wasnt much of anything left.
i was so dead tired after that. and according to sara, very very dirty. she offered to let me take a shower and wash my hair at her house. and that was one of the best showers ive ever had in my life. maybe its the thrill of being naked [or rather taking a shower] in someone else's house or the fact that i emerged way cleaner than i had been when i went in. being clean felt sooooo good. i suppose i should ditch my unhygienic ways and live a cleaner way of life. dinner was good, i wish we had tasty dishes for meals at home. no one in my house can really cook. our meals can be very bland. didnt get to enjoy it fully though, had to rush off for tuition.
dad was only about 45 mins late this time so it wasnt so bad. i went to a table and colonised it with my math worksheets, calculator and whatnot. actually was quite productive. i did about TWO amath questions. huzzah.
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u'll never guess what i did today. woke up at 7.30 to climb bukit timah hill. actually when we finally got down to the climbing it was already 9. cause my mum wanted to climb the hill and she dragged us all along. including her sisters [n my cousins.] it was a great workout. i soaked my shirt through by the time we reached the summit. the rock-climbing part was exciting, the kiddies scaled it with much ease. we had ice cream after that, and went for lunch at a peranakan restaurant. the curries tasted SO good.
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and now im being unproductive again. trying to get something done for art. ive chosen "beaneath the surface". not very sure what the final piece will be tho im sure i'll stick to this topic anyway.
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oh yea i need to complain. how the moderation for chem, amath and combined humanities didnt help me at all. all my B3s are 69s, makes me wanna tear my hair out. lit didnt get moderated, it was the only one i needed. no matter how many marks added, it'll be an a2 since my lit was [and still is] 69. im still stuck at a 9. with only 2 bonus points. which gives me 7 points. 7 is so... neither here nor there. it cant get me anywhere. had i passed hcl i would get 5 points. which translates to a straight ticket to almost any jc i wanna get into. i always knew chinese would cause my eventual downfall. i dont mind failing the subject, what i mind is the possible 2 points deducted that i cannot have. just cause of ONE. FUCKING. SUBJECT.
i checked out the lasalle website. its updated with more info but its so wordy, i just need some questions answered. and im back to where i started, with 3 routes branching out in front of me. stupid girl.

was indifferent @ Saturday, October 13, 2007

Saturday, October 06, 2007

GOOOOD MORNING! actually its 4.13pm but who cares. Not sure why im in a good mood, could be a couple of reasons. there's an additive effect. like continuous variation in genes. [ive been studying bio, can u tell?]
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Let's see. I got a solid A1 for english [BOOYAH!] and topped the cohort for eng essay. Not gonna bore u with the details, though i must say i dont think i deserve it. I read it a few times through when i came home yesterday and it doesnt seem like an essay that's worth 26 marks. The teacher marking it mustve been blinded by my essay, cause he/she/it was not able to spot the countless mistakes i made. such as poor sentence structuring, choice of words, and lack of proper vocab. [to describe it would be: a weird essay written by someone who didnt really know what she was doing but managed to stumble through in a daze. It doesnt seem to be wrong though it isnt quite right either.] But if the marker thinks it's A1 material, then sure. it got me an A1, so im not complaining. At least now ive got bragging rights. I can gloat about how my essay hoodwinked the marker into giving me the highest score but not about how great my essay is. it really isnt, its not even my best work. ah, whatever. there will always be injustice in this world.
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Of all people, one would expect someone like me to be able to recognise and appreciate beauty and glorify it. though artificial may look appealing, natural is still the classic.
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went to the VJC open house with huimin this morning. I was so enthusiastic. and friendly and open. wow... [it's proof that im not scary. or "dao".] the people there are nice enough. hmmmm... oh then we went to orchard for lunch and i bought me 2 faber castell water resistant ink pens. [its contradicts, water resistant and ink.] i know now that it works well on paper, but im not so sure about plastic and other materials. UUURRGH
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gotta study now. oh and im getting the o level art question paper on the 9th of october. :S

was indifferent @ Saturday, October 06, 2007

Monday, October 01, 2007

yea today's my birthday. thanks to everyone who wished me happy birthday, u should know that thats enough. Im just happy if someone remembers my birthday [or even if they just only found out] and bothers to come over and wish me a happy birthday. presents are rather unnecessary although its nice to receive gifts.
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OH i got an A1 for art overall! HURRAH!!! that really made my day. and a few days ago yijun was telling me how she got an a2. which only meant i could only dream about getting an a1. i was so worried. but here i am with a SOLID A1. and she got one too. my percentage is 79.6%. HA! but this is only prelims so i shouldnt celebrate just yet. tho im very happy. u know, the feeling i got when i found out i scored an A1 was totally different from the feeling i got from receiving A1s for math. its like this feeling that creeps up my body from my toes and its just so overwhelming that i cant contain it anymore, im shaking with excitement and i just have to run and jump around and scream and shout about how i got an a1 for art. as if some uncontrollable disease took over my central nervous system. sara should know what im talking about, she witnessed it herself. i guess this just means so much more to me than any other subject in sch. [tho i know i would cry if i didnt get A1 for both maths.] despite this, i'll still be expecting a B3 for o levels. shouldnt keep my hopes up, lest i fall from climbing up too high over my head and break my bones.
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OK im thinking i need to type this out while its still fresh in my mind. the... uh, wonderful birthday celebration that my lovely friends had with me today. at fish and co. [brr... that place will never be the same to me again.] see we went to fish and co at amk hub after school and had lunch. huimin had starved herself all day so that she could properly savour her precious fish and chips. sara best and i shared a seafood platter. oh and we all shared a passion fruit drink. cause we love the passionate fruit. best came quite late, we had settled down at a bright corner of the restaurant where there were full-length windows and the light was pouring in from the outside. OOh she brought me a stick of candy floss cause they were giving em out for free at new york new york. it was deliciously green.
Hmm she had brought this box along with her and she had gone off to "put it in the fridge". i thought she was kidding coz i dont think there were any refridgerators for customers to just dump their random little cakes in. but she just got up and wandered off to the counter. then we were like "oh man... is she serious?!" and huimin was saying "no bestlyn,... no... bestlyn no..." in this very melancholic tone, it made us laugh. then she got up and went there too. then they came back saying and after a while i learnt tt they had told the staff that it was my birthday and that there was free ice cream. cause its my birthday. [woohoo] so we continued eating and talking... OH something really funny happened.
Best was pestering huimin to let her have some more of her fish, huimin finally agreed and cut this piece for her. best: "er, wow... ure so generous" then huimin said "oh too much is it? too much for u huh?" and she took it back and cut a little chunk off the piece of fish. throughtout the entire sequence Sara and i were laughing so hard. Man i love how they are so hilarious.
oh then after eating they said to the waitress that we can have our ice cream now. i started to feel a little scared, not consciously as i didnt know that i had the look of fear written all over my face. They told me not to look so scared and that it was only ice cream, nothing else was gonna happen. but they're pretty bad liars so i could alrd tell that something was going on. but the waitress comes with a cup of icecream and puts it on the table. then she leaves. turns out only I get icecream.
haha, okayyy... huimin says "BESTLYN!" and best's eyes open really wide and she says "ya?/what?" huimin:"I tell you ah,...-" then this waitress person comes over with a little cake with a lighted candle and an unlit sparkler and i start to think ohhh ker-rapppp.... i turn and behind her is the entire fish and co staff, there were about a little less than 10 of them. I was thinking ok, they're just gonna sing me a little birthday song. thats all. oh but how wrong i was. the waitress took a chair and instead of placing it at the centre of the 2 tables or at least in front of my friends, she places it in the middle of the isle and its facing the entire restaurant. i reaasoned with myself that u know, there isnt really any point fighting it so i decided to be a sporting little birthday girl and try n make this as untroublesome as possible for them [and as painless as possible for me]. a little shocked and overwhelmed, [or rather dumbstruck] i made to go over and take my seat but then she tells me to stand on it. i'm like.... WHAT..?! with my shoes?!" but no one seemed to care about my opinion in all this so i just clumsily stepped up onto the chair. and they made me face the entire restaurant. the sparkler was thrust into my hands and lighted.
THEN the waitress with the really loud bellowy-type voice turned to the entire restaurant of dining patrons just minding their own business and shouted "EVERYONE! WE HAVE A BIRTHDAY GIRL IN THE HOUSE!" and then shouted my name. or smth like that. its a little fuzzy, i was so dazed and quite embarrassed as everyone looked up to see who this "birthday girl" was that the staff were shouting about. they looked rather indifferent and i felt embarrassed for interrupting their quiet, peaceful lunch. anyway, the staff then launched into this fish and co birthday cheer, a part of it went like this "it's your birthday where do u go? fish and co! fish and co!" or smth like that. the shouting was accompanied by clapping and slapping of thighs, seemed to be some routine they worked up though half of em seemed really reluctant to take part in it. I just stood there grinning like a idiot as the sparkler went out in a few seconds. so i was left holding this charred stick of metal. apparently the cheering wasnt enough, they went on to sing a birthday song for me and urged the other diners to join in as well. after that im not sure what happened. i climbed down and chair and returned to my seat, the burnt-out sparkler was taken from my hand, and i was still smiling to myself as my face seemed to have frozen that way. only after taking a gulp of water could i move my facial muscles again, weird. best had bought the little heart-shaped caked and i sorta shared it with em all along with the ice cream tho they didnt really eat much of it. cept best.
huimin had taken my camera and snapped a few shots of me standing up there on the chair a little awkwardly. thank god she didnt know how to work the video function. hahaha. and throughout this entire episode they were all collapsing all over the tables laughing hysterically. i swear, they only did that to have me totally embarrassed and to laugh at me. at least they had a good time laughing. i rmb standing up there, turning around once or twice to watch their reactions to this totally insane birthday greeting. or celebration.
after that one of the staff members [probly the manager] came over and informed us of a special birthday promotion they were having, that we could get 10% off if i presented my ic. so i did, and we got 10% off. ha. THEN one more staff member came with a polaroid camera and took our photo. later, they attached it to a fish and co postcard and wrote happy birthday, and presented it to me. and the whole time i was thinking "wow, they really do take birthdays seriously around her, dont they."
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im eagerly looking forward to sara's version of this incident. im sure she can write something that'll make me laugh.
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but still, i thank them. sara, huimin and bestlyn. for the strangely fun birthday celebration they had for me. haha i think i would be rolling around laughing too if i saw it happen to someone else. and thanks to them for the presents, sara for the black and white anchor necklace and huimin for the cute little wooden red japanese girl.
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and yesterday my family brought me to crystal jade for my birthday lunch. it was delicious. i had fun watching the prawns kick around with their short and tiny little legs in the tanks that were outside the kitchen. oh my mum had also brought me around the mall to look for dresses for me to wear for prom. :/ I wasnt really into shopping for dresses. didnt like anything i saw. [probly cause they're all... well, dresses] and for the entire day yesterday i wasnt expecting any presents at all. I'd alrd asked my parents to pay for my linkin park concert ticket as my birthday present. and my sis is still in the midst of her promotional exams so i didnt expect anything from her either.
i rmb one year when she bought me a pretty glass cup and m&ms and arranged them in layers in the cup according to which colours i liked best. those were at the bottom. but once i received it i shook it around and she was like "NOOOOOOOOOO" cuz i was too dense to notice the very orderly colours in the glass. and at first too thickheaded to realise how much time she had spent sorting the m&ms. but i appreciated that. even tho it was just a little cup and ordinary m&ms, i loved that present. cuz i know she put her heart into it. )
anyway i was kinda upset about her not appreciating the present i made for her this year. the white notebook i decorated with a black pen. its still lying around on the table in our room untouched and unnoticed. she didnt give it so much as a second glance after i presented it to her. *grumble* at least i had fun designing it.
anyway,
u can imagine how surprised i was when last night when i was about to tuck myself in to sleep, my parents and sis all came into the room and sis pulled out a plastic bag from her drawer and handed it to me. it was pink. i took out the box inside and it was a bionicle! it says bionicle MAHRI toa hewkii. i think its name is toa hewkii. the age limit is 7-16. i just happen to satisfy that age group. i just assembled it and it is SO COOL! it has a gun that can shoot 6 bullets and these 2 chains hanging off its arms, and apparently its an underwater bionicle robot so it has this tube that goes from its mouth to its back. AND it can pose in different styles with its weapons like the really big blade/axe thing its carrying. SOOOO COOOOOL!!! i love it.
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being born on children's day, u can tell that im really still a child. at heart. ah whatever i dont wanna grow up.
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even though its my birthday i dont feel any different. like today is just another day. after 15 years of harbouring expections on my birthday, ive given up hope over the years and really, when ppl tell me happy birthday i dont really feel anything. i used to say i hate my birthday. i sort of still do. it means im getting older. i mean, look at me. im now 16 and in some ways a 'certified adult'. like how i can now watch nc16 movies and can legally have sex. all adult stuffs. im not really into that.
Honestly, i didnt expect anyone to do anything special for me on my birthday. its not really that impt to me. i dont like growing a year older.

was indifferent @ Monday, October 01, 2007

Friday, September 28, 2007

i realise that i forgot to type about my erratic body temperature over the past few days. see my right ear is infected and it eally really hurt. gave me random little explosions of pain across my cerebrums and made my temperature fluctuate insanely. over a range of 3 degrees. HA wow.
i couldnt take the pain from my ear so i left school early on tues [at noon] and went to the doctor's. fell into a deep sleep while waiting. even tho i felt rather warm i kept insisting that i did not have a fever, so i didnt get treated for that. then i took a nap, till about 6.30 when i woke up my temperature was 38.2. later it was 36.8 but i was talking so it was inaccurate. so i checked it again and it went up to 38.8. my dad thought i had dengue fever. i actually saw him after a few days of not seeing him. workaholic. he came up to my room to check for rashes.
next day [at school] it dropped to 36. phew, big sigh. i honestly thought i had healed. but then later when i went home it went up to 38.7. then 39.3 and 38.8 in the next 5 minutes. was rather amused cause i felt totally fine despite the temp but i got dragged to the doctor's AGAIN for the 2nd day in a row. i was such a chatterbox, ranting on to the doctor about my insane temperatures when he sort of cut me off. he's not my usual doctor. is some substitute doctor. he was rather hairy, i rmb. he prescribed me some antibiotic eardrops and these super strong antibiotic tablets that cost $3 per tablet. so its $30 for 10. insane. my temperature dropped the next day. woohoooo.... now im almost totally perfect. cept for that pain in my ear.
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i feel very disadvantaged because i can onlt minus 2 bonus points while everyone else can deduct 4. [thats twice my pathetic amount.] so even if i beat others with my raw L1R5 many of them will overtake me. just cause they're better than me in ONE PARTICULAR subject. im the only one in my class that failed hcl. URRRGGH its not like i didnt have a chance at getting 2 more bonus points deducted too, but considering my chinese standard its safe to say that i really didnt and dont have a chance. i failed everything [even the formal letter] but the compo. its not so much of the failing that bothers me, it just really really annoys me that everyone else can get a headstart while i get left behind.
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feeling a little desperately crazy, not cause of exams tho. im not so lifelesssss

was indifferent @ Friday, September 28, 2007

Exams are so overrated and man-made. we all know that no matter what in the end it still boils down to mugging and memerising. that's pretty sad, cept it grants an opportunity for the hardworking but not-so-smart kids to score better grades as well. a large portion of the smart ones are mostly too lazy to really bother. but thats my opinion )
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i didnt do so well but eh, ive pretty much gotten over it. [built a bridge, doncha know] but all of that doesnt matter, not when i scored an A1 for Art prelim Paper 2. [WOOHOOOOO] right now i am feeling very VERY happy. all that intense work paid off, i suppose. [either that or maybe i just did what miss rose liked. which is my prep work. dont think she gave my final piece so much as a glance, thank god. it's a messy mistake any primary kid coulda been responsible for. cant compare tt with the o level standard tho. what is the o level standard anyway?] i was surpised to see on the day of the exam that some ppl didnt/couldnt finish their prep work. i sure sacrificed alot to get that completed. which gets me thinking, if i had made the choice to drop art or just not put in so much effort as i had, would i score better for the other subjects? the possible choices made all branch out into different parallel dimensions or universes [or smth like tt.] wish i could take a peek at the other 'what ifs' just to see if this choice was wise. perhaps i wouldve taken the time used for art to study. or mayb not. eehhhh... studying's such a drag. glad im not going to jc for the next 2 years. [or am i...? confusion again. and again. and again.] back to art-- that A1 is only a mere 76% [very unsafe. just a slight push and im off the cart] and that is only 40% of the entire grade. the other 60% is the f-cking o level coursework that we've been doing throughout this year. i am so sure i am not getting my A1 for THAT. its such a crappy piece of... crap. my prep work's not gonna save me this time. in fact, it's gonna be my downfall. i just know it. i'll just be happy and thankful for now. 76/100 isnt bad! not in my eyes.
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i wanna give a hug to sara. i know shes been really sad. i havent been very supportive about it either, some friend i am. some ppl shld know how insensitive i can be. my character can stretch across the extremes sometimes. and how i talk to myself out loud. sometimes. [i should stop doing that.] stupid exams. ive become so nuummmbbbb......... cheer up sara

was indifferent @ Friday, September 28, 2007

Saturday, September 22, 2007

I've got LP's Minutes to Midnight. woohooooooooo
I promised myself to get it after prelims are over. oh look, prelims are over. so here i am with the album in my hands...
i'll just take this as a birthday present for myself. [coz that's all i need] cheryl, you rock.
the cd is awesome. first off it's not in a plastic case. [just like meteora] on the outside its all black and white and monotonous but it's surprisingly [and uncharacteristically] colourful on the inside. there aren't many photos of em [but isnt it always like that. it's all about the art of the music.] im listening to the album now, specifically Leave Out All the Rest. Even though i alrd have this song and ive heard it a million times before, it sounds totally new and flawless and 10 tens as beautiful as i rmbrd. wow, the magic of owning the songs by actually purchasing the cd. the quality does seem alot better.
why do they tempt me with LPUNDERGROUND?! i want it really badly but moneys the problem again. the coolest shit is that i get to flaunt it with a linkin park email address. name@linkinpark.com. how cool is that?! only alot...
in this album alone, there's a great variety between the loud screamy songs and the more mellow and soothing ones. and mike's rapping. it has excellent balance, i must say. it all doesnt seem very much the same but altogether it just seems to belong. how the hell can they possibly be so awesomely perfect?!
im having so much fun. the songs without screaming are actually very beautiful. eg Shadow Of The Day. it's my first time listening to it and i love it. [but hey, im biased] im so in love with this album. with me typing comments on just about every track, i might as well just run through the entire album with u right here.
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nah
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I've realised that there are only so many subjects u can write/sing songs on.
[1] BGR/ love.
[3] worship songs [for god]
[2] emo songs.
linkin park's songs are all emo songs. well maybe there's some love in it too but its very vague. i cant quite place my finger on which song is about love tho.
[happy birthday songs dont count! or nursery rhymes.]
oh i also realise that under "love" there's also those love songs specifically for mothers/fathers. ive never heard one for a brother or sister. maybe those worship songs by christian bands are also under "love". ok emo is mostly anger, rage, hatred and despair. so ive come to the conclusion that there can only be happy songs [mostly about love] or the opposite- emo songs. LP's emo songs are da best. it'll be so weird if they started writing love songs. :|
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I've realised that the state im in when im doing art reflects what im like as a person. [how philosophical. its a strange connection, isnt it] I complain that when doing art [prep work] i often spend more time thinking about what i should be doing rather than actually doing it. and in the end, not much is done and no progress is made. example: alot of times i ignore people. they think im cold and unfriendly, i guess their guess is not totally off. but lotsa times i take a second too long to decide on how to react and i just end up doing nothing. hence the ignoring. [OR, sometimes i ignore cause if i just ignore it it'll go away.]
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It's partly because im indecisive. by nature. yesterday i was frustrated over making choices that i pointed an accusing finger at my mum and said "I mustve gotten my indecisive nature from you!" ok woah, that sounds a lot angrier when typed out. in actual fact i was just talking rubbish... again... [whats new] so I'm like Rose hsu. to a certain extent... but i dont like rose. so i dont like myself. [rubbbish] i came up with two theories: indecisive because [1] we're just too damn open-minded we dont reject ideas, [2] we're spineless without a mind of our own. i'd prefer the first explanation tho. for me. [in my opinion] i can find reason in almost anything, and i rarely condemn anything or anyone. im just trying to make me sound like a better person.
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I've realised that im rather a grovelly person. [grovelling...] and i am ashamed. maybe its cause im so giving. so willing to please, like some eager little puppy. what am i doing anyway. this way of living is pathetic. if u put me in an oven maybe i'll rise. like dough with yeast. no more will i be inferior.
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I've realised that the name "Cheryl" doesnt really suit me. but the name seems to be branded in my skin. i mean, a name is just a name. it doesnt mean anything. its just a word people use to address u. if the name sounds plesant but the person is not then thats just that. when i write my own name on the papers at school [been doing that alot lately. stupid prelims. makes that bump on my third finger swell and hurt like a tumour. and gives me butt cramps at the end of every paper.] its like a routine, i dont even really recognise it. when i typed my own name near the beginning of this entry it felt so foreign to me. like, its just a name. its not really me. i imagine my soul/spirit to be a purplish-grey mass of smoke. [yup, now THAT is me] sometimes when i look into the mirror i surprise myself with thoughts like: this body, its not really me. its just a meat machine to house my soul. i operate this meat puppet and when its not working anymore i'll leave it. and thats death. people die cause of physical reasons. some people go crazy and kill themselves- thats still physical. they probly drown themselves in the tub or slit their throats. so when ur meat puppet machine gives up working u just cant live in this world anymore. i wonder where all the clouds of smoke go to. maybe i'll disintegrate into the atmosphere and leave a hole in the ozone layer. but without my meat puppet i probly wouldnt be able to think or feel so i guess thats why they say death is the end.
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Ive a theory that nothing is not moving. its not possible for anything to be completely still. the molecules must be vibrating about in their fixed positions. seriously, if there's heat, there must be movement. i lay my head and arms on the window grills just now and felt them vibrating. looking out onto the roof tiles i thought i saw em moving. i dont think i did a good job of explaining what i mean but i still believe that its not possible for something to be totally not moving. unless u stop time and freeze it. in that moment, perhaps nothing is moving at all.
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After the o levels, i shall push myself to do things that'll force me out of my comfort zone and throw me into foreign grounds. things that'll make me feel uneasy, exposed and totally not myself. that's my goal: to be totally uncharacteristically me. im rather an introvert really, in my point of view. and im kinda bored being boring ol me. pauline "plugged" a set of earphones in me and started listening, then she said "bo-ring" but of course its in a joking way. but i think if that was possible, the music that comes out of me would be rather boring. so i'll spend my holidays pretending to be someone im not. of course i'll switch personalities everyday. i like pretending to be someone else. [only if i clearly draw the line between knowing that im pretending and pretending that its real. its quite hard to distinguish. the lyrics of IN BETWEEN by lp sorta explains it.] somehow i get the feeling im gonna fail. no harm in trying, its just the higher i climb, the harder i'll fall. thats taking risks, right?
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If ure wondering why im all of a sudden on this soul-searching journey and so into self-discovering, its cause ive had ALOT of time yesterday to think about stuff like this. see my dad, he took an hour to come pick me from tuition so i spent one hour sitting there at the cc listening to my zenv and stoning. despite going to the library before i didnt borrow anything. so i just sat there staring into space. i looked qutie emo, just slumped in a chair like ive been doing drugs. wish i had a pair of shades to shield my eyes from the public. ppl walk past and stare coz im just stoning. they think im staring at them. after an hour, my dad comes. so i stalk off to the carpark taking my time just as he took his. when i got into the car, i mustered up the most pissed voice i could and said "would it kill u to leave an hour ealier?" it came out alot harsher than intended, i sat back and was like... woah... i remained pretty cold toward him throughout the rest of the night. even when taking our weekly walk through the neighbourhood he was trying to reconnect with me but i was so indifferent i barely responded. ugh typing it in here i feel like a terrible person. i know just how much my dad suffers, so why the hell was i putting him through all my shit. my face is wet.
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ok after listening to the entire minutes to midnight album [a few times, yea it took me that long to type this entry. i think this album inspires me to write stuff like that], i can safely say that GIVEN UP is the best track. It's gotta be the most fun and rockin track in the entire album. heck, i think its their best work. im praying they'll play that song at the concert. i'll go nuts.
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this entry took me a little less than 2 hours. i dont remember pouring my soul into a blog entry like this since sec 2. anyway, today im going out to get lunch and to buy my cousin a birthday present as he turns 7. and more decent than he was before so its a milestone worth celebrating. but before that, im gonna stain some bandages i bought from guardian with red acrylic paint and wear em out on my hands later. how fun would that be. oh and later i'll be meeting up with my cousins to celebrate mid-autumn festival too. hurrah, i love mid-autumn festival.

was indifferent @ Saturday, September 22, 2007